I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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