i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
