he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
