how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
