I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
