sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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