yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
