Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize