Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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