Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
