it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
