I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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