i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
