Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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