Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
