lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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