we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
