she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize