are you so shy because you have an std?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
