so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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