My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
