It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
