No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize