i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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