Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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