If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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