you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
