hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
