I faked an abortion last night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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