We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
