Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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