I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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