Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
