he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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