only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
