you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
