I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
