nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
