Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
