That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
