they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
