Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
