I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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