Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize