Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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