the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
