Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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