Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Randomize
