I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
