The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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