The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
