If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
