if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize