I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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