I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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