i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
