I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
