I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
