Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
