why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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