So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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