I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
