I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
