I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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