i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
