My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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