ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
