I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
