This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
