The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize