she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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