Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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