dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i love accidental penises.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
